Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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