Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
