it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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