I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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