Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
