you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
