the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
