Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you would pick up someone in the library
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
