im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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