Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
