i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
