every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We have started to decorate penises.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize