I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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