There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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