Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
