Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
