my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
