Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize