I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
