I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
