This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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