He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
