his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize