Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
