pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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