hell yes lets make some ravioli
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
