Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
