brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
