bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
