Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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