I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
