i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
