i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
