how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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