New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
