It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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