I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
