look no pants
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
