I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
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