you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
