I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
