lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
