Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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