Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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