I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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