I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
