I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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