i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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