Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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