think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize