I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
