mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
