In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
