I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
