Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
