You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
