the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
