Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
