we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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