she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
