I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
