you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
