are you still at the devil's house?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
