i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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