Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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