Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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