i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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