dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
