I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
