Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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