I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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