He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
