I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize