we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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