I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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