I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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