my mouth tastes like poor choices
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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