I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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