dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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