Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
