her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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