I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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