Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize