thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
