Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
