It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
