I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
