she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
