I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
